About Stephanie

It all started when…

Addiction knows no boundaries. Addiction doesn’t care if you have a plan for your future. At the age of fourteen, I gave in to the instant gratification of bulimia just to please a boyfriend. Bulimia devoured every part of my soul until I was nothing but an empty hallow shell. A lifeless body that needed more; more control, more numbing, and more addiction. Severe alcohol abuse became a lifestyle in order to numb the loneliness inside. I was desperate to fit in, but I was headed full speed towards the wrong crowd.

Malnourishment, along with alcohol dependency led to multiple seizures from detox withdrawals. Even pregnancy couldn’t stop the torment from having complete control of my life. My daughter’s illness still wasn’t enough to straighten out my life. And on the day my four-year-old daughter passed away, I found comfort in Satan’s lie, “it is all my fault.” Like all addict chasing their high, I hugged the toilet bowl tighter and tighter, sometimes thirty times a day, desperately begging for my esophagus to erupt so I could finally quit living.

After the liquor stores were closed, a seizure from withdrawals was inevitable. Rubbing alcohol and hand sanitizer became a daily consumption to avoid the hassle of another hospital trip. What was the point of them saving my life anyways? It was just a waste of their time.

It was just a matter of time before I lost it all; my house, my job, my car, and my sanity. I woke up in the mental hospital with a diagnosis of Wernicke Korsakoff Syndrome, never to function normal again.

But I didn’t want to change. I didn’t know how. Bulimia was who I was, and alcohol numbed that disappointment called life. A second pregnancy still couldn’t stop the treacherous grips of my eating disorder. After the state took my second child, I agreed to get help. Finally, at the end of my road, I fell to my knees before the rugged cross and I surrendered my life to Jesus. Psalms 103:12 “God cast my rebellious acts as far as the east is from the west.” He delivered me and He can do the same for you.

My story is not rated PG; it is raw, it is heartache, and it is truth. This book is my testimony of His unfailing love, redemption, and grace for a wretch like me. For over five years now, I have walked faithfully with the Lord, delivered into His true freedom from both addictions. Life now with three boys and my husband is chaotically beautiful and blessed.  The Lord can not replace my daughter, but He can promise me an eternity with her in paradise. I was blessed with a second chance at life on the day when I realized that the ground at the foot of the cross is always level.

This trailer above used to be my home. No electricity, just propane to heat the water that was pumped from the nearby pond.

The picture below is how I lived, day in and day out, chained to Satan’s lies.